Holding a grudge is just that, holding on to something.
- Let it go, forgive others.
- Forgive yourself for having held a grudge against others
See how to do that in the last section
There is no unique truth.
There is only a truth that works for you. And maybe for others. So we need and do, find like-minded people.
Nevertheless, whether you want it or not, you are in a relationship with a lot of people.
In a healthy relationship, you have to share the power. You have to relinquish control.
Your projects will be modified and altered by other people.
Frustration is useless. When you feel frustrated, you must forgive them to continue the healthy relationship.
In anticipation of hiccups and rocks on the road, you can preemptively forgive someone every day.
The truth about forgiveness
When you forgive someone, you basically forgive them for not following your way... Otherwise, who are you to forgive?
Forgiveness is about you.
Forgiveness for what? What did they do wrong? They led their lives their way and it worked for them.
They survived to this day so from their standpoint and Nature's standpoint, they are right.
If something works for you, you survive. In Nature, what doesn't work, vanishes. The simple fact that you are here today means that the way you led your way worked for you.
Survival is the essence of being.Spinoza
If you wonder what survival has to do with it, this is for you.
There is nothing to forgive.
Forgiving is actually about letting go of your petty desire for control of a situation.
You felt crossed because their way was not aligned with your way.
And of course, you believe your way is the right way. So you feel trespassed. But if you were not in their way, they would not trespass anything, at least from your point of view.
... and forgive us our trespasses,Matthew 6:12, Luke 11:4
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
So only you feel the trespassing and it is your job to fix your own feeling about the situation.
They have nothing to do with any of that.
Forgiving is just about fixing your own view of the world.
Forgiving is almost a selfish act because you fix your own mess which you created out of the blue.
The forgiven has nothing to do with it and will most likely never feel forgiven.
Why would they? They have never done anything wrong!
Forgiving is a personal act of cleaning your own house. It goes along with decluttering and other cleaning and cleansing practices.
Clean your own mess.
And forgive yourself for having held a grudge against others
To eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.Hans Hofmann ,on Decluttering
How to forgive
Think of someone who upset you. And question yourself.
- Do you think upsetting you was their original intention?
- If you think they were self-serving, what about your own actions?
Were you serving a greater good or yourself?
- Why were you upset? Was it because their actions, their view, their story was more important to them than yours?
- Was it because things were escaping your control?
- Was it because things were escaping your understanding?
What we call understanding is often more like taking control for fear of the unknown. The unknown being in such a case, the opinions, and views of others. It is very reassuring to “understand”...
- How did you feel when you realized you were losing foot?
- After all, what message did they try to convey?
- If they were harsh with you, was it because of their own frustration?
- Were you really listening or just waiting to tell your – more important – story?
- Could things have turned better, had you shown more compassion?
- Is it worth holding that negative feeling about this?
- What is the gain from holding on to that grudge?
- What if you let it go? Would that be a loss?
- Are you afraid of losing something here?
Can you feel how peaceful life would be without holding on to such petty matters?
Forgive one person every day